My Thanksgiving

Saturday was my Thanksgiving. We had a great family day. Put up the tree. Did the Christmas lights. Hubby watched football. I read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks in one sitting. I don't often get time to just read. When I'm adrenally whacked, I don't have the focus to read. When I'm healthy, I'm too busy to stop.

We rolled up brie and reduced sugar jam (black cherry) in ham. Wow, that was really good stuff. Roll your eyes back in your head good. (If you eat bread, a grilled cheese with this would have been orgasmic.)

You could say my appetite is back to normal. Food even tastes good again.

Despite the ankle and a developing cold, my energy was really good. Did not need to nap at all. Able to keep up with the day. Would have exercised except for, you know, the ankle.

Hubby is down for the count with the cold too. I have a light touch, he's hurting. I feel bad for him as I am really the last person to look to for sympathy.

So I think that means I have sympathy for him because of my lack of sympathy? Huh. Need to work on my sense of logic.

Still at 15mg. 10 in the am, 5 at noon. Seem to be okay for the day after that. I would skip the noon dose, but my body wilts. The fatigue sets in, my limbs get heavy and it's either bed or 5mg.

What's happening now is not what was happening before. If this is HPA axis suppression, it's a new version. One in which it feels like my body is not showing up for work.

I used to just take one am dose and, after an adjustment period, I would be fine (other than steroid withdrawal). That's a pretty big simplification of what I went through, but as bad as it was, I didn't feel like my battery died in the middle of the day. Like my body was just blank inside, not remembering what it was supposed to do or understanding what was missing.

I thought I was tired before? That energy was low? I had no idea. This is a new level of hot mess. There's no adjusting. My body is empty this time.

However, I am fully expecting my am cortisol to be fine and that I will be told to wean as of Monday. At which point I will pitch the idea of steroid resistance. As if anyone will listen.

Is there even a test for that?

I worry about taking steroids when I don't need them. I worry about not taking steroids if I do. I worry about missing something else.

Praying there's a clear signal one way or the other.