Weekend Report

Saturday went better than expected. I managed a (slow) walk in the heat of the day, which was no small feat given that it's August in June around these parts. I'm having some issues with lack of appetite that concern me, at it's often a bad sign, and there's still some limb weakness as well, but, overall, the day was good.

Still steroid free.

When I stop falling asleep in the afternoon, I'll be convinced the worst is over. That almost happened today, but then I zonked out against my will. Don't worry, the toddler did a cannonball into my stomach and woke me up.

The writing has been hard again. I had three stories, all pretty much at the mid-point and I had to drop everything in May as I was too sick to work. Coming back to the murky middle of three stories has sucked.

One I worked on for a while, got irritated and called it done. About the best I can say is the story structure is in place (i.e. beginning, middle, end), but it will need a lot of editing and plot hole fixing. About 60% done.

The second, I think is going better. I just finished condensing the story elements and now just need to finish the end. It will still require edits, but the more cosmetic ones, not heavy structural edits. It's more like 80% done.

The third should be easy peasy. But no, it's not. It's been giving me fits. That one is like -500% not done. And it's pissing me off because it's a good story that shouldn't be that hard to finish.

On the up side, I have multiple five star reviews on a short I released before I got sick. From people I don't know. (This is kind of remarkable because it's more common to get either no reviews or bad ones than anyone saying anything nice.) People really like that story and let me just take a moment to say 'neener-neener' to the anthology that passed on it.

Is it selling any books? No, of course not, that would be too easy. But any time I don't think I can write, I go back and look at all those five star reviews from complete strangers who have no obligation to say the nice things they are saying.

And then I go beat my head against the three stories in process some more. If it stays this hard, I'll be scrapping them all and just start something completely new. It's not like I don't have ideas.

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Tapering and More Food

I tapered yesterday because today is going to be a bit busy and I wanted to be through the worst of it. Went down to 7.5mg of hydrocortisone. It was okay. I had some issued with weakness and fatigue and lack of appetite, but it passed. I was able to go for a walk and did a slooooow elliptical workout for about 20 agonizing minutes.

In my new office.

Yes. New. Office. Mine.

See, house guest 2 left and, since I do produce income with writing, I feel justified taking a room over for myself. And I put our ancient elliptical in here with me so I can combine writing and exercise (assuming I have the energy for it) because sitting is so damn bad for you.

The toddler's new playroom is in the basement. Where I'll probably end up writing since it's cooler down there. I want to be cheap and not run the a/c during the day this summer. (We'll see how long I can suck the heat up.)

Here are some food pics. I'm going through a food phase. Are you shocked to hear that?

Dinner last night was a huge indulgence. One of my favorite meals. Steak. Salad. Broccoli and fresh berries.

The salad was an apple-pecan-bleu cheese medley with a homemade balsamic dressing.



A few days ago, the strawberries looked so luscious I decided to make love to them with chocolate.


And...here's a bit of a food flop. Gluten-free high protein gnocchi. They were yummy, but the first batch disintegrated in the water. I baked the rest and that was our lunch.


Now for those keeping track of my GERD (which I hope not because that's probably weird), tomatoes are a problem for me. I tried it without Nexium, but I got slammed with stomach acid and had to take some before acid started squirting out of my mouth every time I talked. Gah. What an awful feeling. Dislike!

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Inspired Stupidity

Exercise yesterday did not go so well.

There was a cat at a play date, which confirmed that yep, I'm still allergic. The ol' asthma hack started pretty quick.

A walk/run later was preceded by albuterol that didn't do much. My lungs seized up anyway and, despite more albuterol, didn't relax enough for me to do anything but a slow walk.*

I came home and messed around with a Wii fit thing. That went okay, it wasn't too aerobic.

But then the adrenal stuff came into play. Very tired. Very cold and unable to get warm. I went to bed as soon as the toddler was asleep.

We'll see how today goes.

By the way, I stopped at the drug store to get a spacer, having identified the model I wanted online. Oddly, I can buy spacers like an addict online, but in real life? You need a prescription. So dumb.


*This reminds me of the time I lived in Central America and stayed at a boarding house with two Navy Seals sent down to learn Spanish. Two gorgeous hunks of men. I went running with them, despite not being a runner and having uncontrolled asthma--they were hot enough to inspire stupidity.

So off we went, running along a dormant volcano. My left lung completely seized up and swelled shut not even a quarter of a mile in. It was so weird, because the right side was fine, but I couldn't get any air movement on the left.

Of course, I had to stop and gasp my way home because my stupid lung had a wedgie. In front of hard core Navy Seals. So wimpy. So humiliating.

They were amazing guys. Too bad my lungs couldn't keep up.

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Zumba Nevermore

Got up this morning and hauled my very uninterested ass to Zumba only to find that the program has been cancelled. Forever.

This was a complication as I had already taken 5mg in anticipation of a hard work out. Now I had to make something up on my own and, for once, I was not feeling inspired.

To make things more fun, the toddler has been in a snit ever since she realized she wasn't going to jump on a bunch of inflatables at the Zumba place. The hubby is still home sick and expects to be accommodated.

"Try being me," I said.

It took him a moment, but he got a clue.

So I jumped around in the dining room, dodging a screaming toddler and a sick husband who decided he would compensate for his recent sense of entitlement by cleaning right where I was exercising.

Oy.

It's going to be a day. Everyone got off on the wrong foot.

Yesterday went really well. For the majority of the afternoon, my energy was in perfect balance (you don't know what that feels like unless you've been living without it). I could have done anything I wanted. Worked. Cleaned. Cooked. Even all three. I actually focused on putting the finishing touches on my next project.

Later that night, I did hit the wall, but it was soft hit. I was walking to the kitchen and my arms just got very heavy and fatigue dragged on my legs. The day had gone so well, I was taken by surprise.

And that's the Zumba/adrenal report for today.

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An Exercise in Progress

Did my first 2.5mg work out on Thursday. It was much better. I did not collapse on the nearest horizontal surface afterwards.

However I did hit a pretty big wall of fatigue for a few hours and started feeling flu-ish. The fatigue could be all the junk food I ate (sugar crash), but the flu bit is some kind of adrenal aftereffect.

Even so, we went to the grocery store and watched a movie after, which is unheard of. So progress.

These workouts are intense and I'm fairly deconditioned so I am going to take the advice of a wise adrenal patient and try 5mg next time. Just until I can do those squats and still walk the next day. Right now, I waddle like Jabba the Hut with a bad case of chub rub. Sooooo sore. OMG. I thought I was further along than this, but nope.

Today I'm still sneezey and feeling tired, but the fatigue is not outside the realm of normal. I'm pretty sore and my energy is okay-ish, so I think it's just the work out kicking my ass. Although the early cold symptoms are still adrenal whatsit so... eh. Whatever. I was trying to be optimistic but the logic wasn't holding together.

Moving on...

I don't think steroids are necessary for all exercise. Just the hard workouts, which would include the strength cardio and Zumba. Eventually, I anticipate not needing anything for Zumba, but the strength cardio will probably require something for a while.

Walking and elliptical, I would not pre-dose for, but could see post-workout dosing if I hit the wall. I can also foresee issues when I start trying to exercise daily (which may never happen, but I can dream),i.e. trying to walk while still recovering from strength work . The New Year's wedding will be an updose just because I'm a hard core dancer.

And that is more than anyone probably wants to know. But I am excited about exercise. I really do like to move. I like to be strong. I told the hubby, lucky for him my adrenals are so wimpy or I'd make him an amateur swing dance champion.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

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Wednesday Win

Wednesday was the best day yet. Really good energy overall. Did not feel like I hit the wall--energy was well balanced.

So I did 80 squats, 30 push-ups and some upper body weights.

After that I kind of hit the wall. Got tired and weak, but by then it was bed time.

I will be curious to see what happens today. Will I have the post-workout adrenal tantrum with GI symptoms? Or not? If not, that is probably a good sign.

Interestingly enough I read a chapter from a book on how exercise impacts hormones and weight loss. Excellent read. Apparently, exercise demands cortisol, and, if your HPA axis is wimpy, that could be a problem. So I begin to understand why these workouts put me in the pit of no energy, I'm not able to respond with adequate cortisol production.

I always thought I was just too tired to exercise, not that I was failing to produce the hormones my body asked for in response to exercise. Tomayto, tomahto, but the distinction was an insight for me.

So since I last posted... Christmas was cancelled. Then reinstated. The chaos is driving me nuts and I've backed off on the baking I had planned. These people change their minds way too much for me to be killing myself in the kitchen.

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Wedding

I have three weeks to:

1.Get in shape for this New Year's wedding deal.

2.Re-learn how to walk in fancy heels. Being a sick-at-home-mommy has not required much dressing up.

3.Avoid re-rolling my ankle while re-learning how to walk in fancy heels. This ought to be good. I can barely stand in the damn things.

PS. See the picture? The swelling is pretty much gone now. I can still see a bit on the left, but I'm close to normal.

4.Find something to wear. Of the items in my closet, I'm in between too big and too small. I like this dress and this dress but can't afford either (unless maybe they go on sale at 90% off after Christmas, please Santa?). So I think I'm going to try and thrift it.

Although I am tempted to go in sweat pants because my fashion standards these days only require the toddler to look cute. Who gives a sh*t if the mommy wears the same too-big sweats three days in a row? That cute panda sweater the toddler is wearing is so damn dazzling no one notices I have to hold up my waist band as I walk (now up to three work out pants that are too big, yet I am still super fat somehow. The laws of science suck.).

Exercised Friday. Wonder what Saturday will bring? We are having a 'family adventure day' and going to the big farmer's market. The hubby has promised marvels such as Nutella banana crepes.

If I eat 50 or so of those suckers, maybe the too big stuff will fit in time for the wedding reception.

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The Sick Shimmy

It's been a while, huh? Sorry. I'm swamped. There's all my stuff and then all the toddler schlepping, which is beyond crazy. I don't know whether I'm coming or going these days.

Sharp contrast to the adrenal days when I did nothing. Sometimes I wonder if I'm overcompensating now because I cannot believe how busy I am. Surely I didn't do this much before?

Not only does the toddler go to OT, PT, and then EI, but I signed her up for a therapeutic horse program. After she got so frustrated that she threw her shoes at the PT, I thought it might be time to look for something more fun than challenging. This seemed to fit the bill. However, it is also Another Thing To Do which I need like a hole in the head.

Well, too busy or no, she had her 'meet the horse' session this past week. HUGE smile on her face.

This is her horse. Note the hairy eyeball. It's relevant. And yes, that's a slice of the toddler.


The poor horse has Cushing's. Bwahahahaha. I'm being stalked by adrenal sh*t. They told me they weren't sure how effective the treatments were and that she was their best horse for little kids because--get this--she just stands there.

Yeah, because she's so f*cking tired. That's why. Let's f*ck up your HPA axis and see how fast you move!

Poor thing looked miserable the entire time and I had total empathy. I hope I'm wrong and the horse enjoys the interaction, but my gut feeling was she's not happy. I felt like I was participating in animal abuse.

I hope the regular sessions use a different horse. One that doesn't make me feel like I'm doing something bad.

Speaking of abuse, I exercised for three hours yesterday and now I'm sick. This amount of exercise was not planned. I did Zumba in the am, declined a free pm class only to be invited to a 'Girl's Night Out' at another studio that had a free Zumba class followed by belly dancing. (Yes, my life is full of free Zumba with a side of belly dance, aren't you jealous?)

I am a sucker for dance, especially belly dancing. So off I went. I did the Zumba class because I was afraid they wouldn't let me do the belly dance otherwise. And I really wanted to wiggle it, just a little bit.

The belly dance class was phenomenal. The best instructor I've encountered to date. Really superb. (See also: Flattery will get you everywhere. I was told I was a natural and had good lines which is like a major compliment in dancese.) The zumba was meh. Very aerobic-y and my preferred brand of Zumba relies primarily on booty popping to raise the heart rate, so I phoned it in partly wanting to take it easy and partly because the choreography was boring.

However, did you know that a shimmy is equivalent to running? Ignorant of this fact, I shimmied my ass off. Once my hips wind up, they don't stop.

I was too sore to sleep and today I've been sneezing all over the place, completely run down and shimmied out.

So not cool.

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Procrastination Station

I'm supposed to be working out, but I don't wanna. So I'm here instead. Delaying the pain.

Fatigue is eating me up, more this weekend than it was. Not sure why.

Saturday, we went to a green home exhibit. The home uses 90% less heating and cooling. It was interesting. The house is actually for sale, and will be moved to a lot in a chic neighborhood sometime this Fall. I didn't get to hear most of the presentation due to toddler wrangling, but I took lots of pictures and have a booklet which I'm assured has all the info.

They decorated and staged the home with recycled works from local artists, that was way cool to see. However, for $400k asking price? I expect a 4 bedroom home and a study. The layout was for a smaller, cheaper house. Material costs really bumped up the price. $53k in German doors and windows alone.

I think we'll just turn down the thermostat, thank you very much.

After that I took a nap. Never a good sign.

Then we dropped the toddler off with the 'rents and went dancing. 80s cover band. Excellent band. I love to dance. Music just infects me and I can't not move. I jitter and bounce like an addict. We tore up the floor, but, after the first set, the hubby looked at me and said "You're tired."

Another not good sign.

I tried to get into the second set, but, before the first song hit its mid-point, I was telling the hubby we should go. It wasn't even 10pm. Super lame-o me.

In my defense, the day started with some wheezing and there was smoke from all the smokers just outside the door and the facility had a healthy build up of third-hand smoke. I think a big part of it is just drag on the system due to the asthma. I actually took Pulmicort last night and this morning to try and head off any further asthma flare up. So far, no wheeze today.

So, today is a little fuzzy around the edges. I'm just...tired. Down to my bones.

But life goes on. Two batches of muffins made. Dishes done. Floor mopped. House dusted and picked up. Now for the HIIT squat routine from hell.

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Exercise without Weight Loss

Exercise is the only thing that makes me feel like I have any control over my body's destiny. The call-and-response of pushing myself further and being rewarded with strength and endurance is a thrill.



I'm over whatever funky gunk was going on the last few weeks and I've since had several hard work outs. The hubby was the impetus. He played a pick-up hockey game and sucked so hard, he asked me to "squat him."



So I've been his trainer. We did a HIIT squat routine and I didn't even feel it. If you recall, back during the steroid tapering days, the same workout wiped the floor with me. I had to updose. Now my body says 'That's it? That's all you got? We can do more.' So I went and ran stairs.



At the moment, I'm in better shape than the hubby. I want to enjoy those fleeting moments where I can leave him in the dust on a run. It won't last. He's a natural athlete and will rapidly outpace me. The word athlete is never used in conjunction with my name, so I get overly excited anytime I can out-do anyone.



I would love to get excited about the scale moving down as well, but my body is stubbornly holding on to this weight. I had a funny experience the other day that, I think, shows the barnacle-like nature of this set point.



I pigged out.



My appetite has been low and, as a result, I've not been eating on a regular schedule. The thing is, sooner or later, my body wakes up and force feeds me whatever calories I missed for the day. Usually this happens at night. I know it's going to happen and I want to eat to head it off, but I can't make myself eat if I'm not hungry. It just doesn't work that way.



So the neighbor girls threw a (lovely) pinata party for the toddler and brought over cookies and ice cream at the precise minute my body threw a hissy fit about the lack of calories. So I ate quite a bit of stupid sugary stuff* figuring I'd gain a few pounds, but not do any permanent damage.



*Five cookies. Two heaping bowls of ice cream.



Then, the oddest thing happened. I got hot. Furnace hot. The a/c was on and I was just frying up inside. This persisted through to the next day. When I checked the scale, no weight gain.



I'm convinced my body was burning off those calories to preserve the set point, and it marks another situation where my body has broken with patterns of the past. Typically, I would see a 3-5lb gain from that much sugar and bloat. Neither happened.



I don't know why my body likes this particular number on the scale, but it is hell bent on sticking to it.

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Riddle Me This

So I actually weighed myself after the vacation binge.



Didn't gain an ounce.



I just assumed I had due to all the bloatage, but nope.



Zippo.



Ate pie every day.



Double decker ice cream cones.



Cookies.



Bread, specifically to-die-for grilled cheese with brie, bacon and tomato jam.



I made sure to eat only when I was hungry even if it meant skipping meals. I also walked daily. At least a mile, sometimes two. And I took the equivalent of a cold bath everyday in the Lake, which was cold enough to make limbs approach numbness (which I'm guessing revved up the metabolism a bit).



Here's what I don't understand. I can cut carbs to the bone. Exercise intensely and don't lose weight.



Yet, I can maintain weight in the face of a week long sugar coma despite supposed severe insulin resistance.



It just doesn't compute.



Coincidentally, my last bout of weight loss stopped when I discontinued the ice therapy as described in The Four Hour Body. Do I just need to take a cold bath every day? (I don't think I can hack it though.)



Or, alternate theory, did I have a touch of the adrenals? The cramps in the small muscles of my feet and hands are classic adrenal insufficiency symptoms for me. Along with the flank pain. But that has passed.



I'm back to low carbing and interval running (which is going amazing because of the pylometrics I've been doing. FYI if you want to run, do squat jumps first, then run, it'll give you a head start).



Now the scale is being a bitch even though I'm doing all the right things.



So should I be eating pizza, fries and ice cream now?



Why is my metabolism such a strange brand of screwed up? Why can't I just do Weight Watchers like everyone else?

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Exercise Blah Blah Blah

Asthma is good. Knee is doing okay. Gallbladder is mostly behaving. Working on losing the weight from vacation. Mostly water from carb bloat.



What's killing me now is the sugar detox. Blazing headaches and fatigue for the last three days as my body realizes the week long cherry pie eating contest is over.



Ran, walked, galloped with our idiot yellow lab tonight, which I hope has helped clear some of the haze. Aerobically, I'm doing pretty good since I can run and continuously yell at the dog so he doesn't trip me.



Also, I gallop sooooo much faster than I run, the push-off from the glutes really adds to the distance I can cover. Note to self: When evading serial killers and/or rabid dogs*, gallop, don't run.



*I was attacked by a dog when I was 8 months pregnant, so this has happened. Fortunately, I was meaner than the dog.



I picked a preschool and went with the better schedule, one that allows lots of exercise. The new Zumba class I found (and like) is run by the local inflatables place. For $5 they'll provide childcare, allowing the toddler to jump and run to her heart's content. This is a pretty handy thing for the winter months. Especially when you're told to keep your kid active as an adjunct to physical therapy. So twice a week, I exercise, she exercises and then goes to preschool while I work.



Plus she can sleep as long as she wants in the morning. Last year, she really wasn't ready to get up at 8am and it was tough for her to adjust.



Let's just hope this year goes better for her socially than last year. The Early Intervention people will be working with her preschool, so hopefully their input and supervision will keep things on track

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This? Is My Body on Asthma.

The issue I'm grappling with these days is the hamster wheel of deconditioning followed by conditioning as a result of being sick. Throw in the impact of steroids on my muscles, mix in some aging, and wow does it suck to try and put myself back together over and over again.

Every time the asthma benches me, I have to slog through hell to get back to where I was. It hurts. A lot. Which is why I complained so much about having to stop exercising during the last bit of steroid taper.

Here's how exercise has been going for the last 2ish months.

1.My bicep has been messed up for a month. I'm not sure what I even did other than try to exercise.

2.My neck is a mess, with trigger points flaring around each scapula and up and down either side of my spine. Why? I added swimming to my workout routine and the lack of fitness left me ripe for reactivation of old neck injuries. (I never had trigger points until steroids,which...not awesome.)

I have since stopped swimming. Once I get to a certain point in rebuilding my upper body strength, this will all abate, but it involves months of pain, lots of massage (bless the hubby) and liberal use of the theracane. Oh, and huge quantities of NSAIDs.

3.Both the hubby and I have 'knees of a certain age.' Thanks to that no-good-reason-for-it fall in the pool in June, I can no longer out-exercise whatever is wrong with mine. I have stopped biking as that really aggravates it and hope that wishing the knee well is a viable treatment.

I wish I may, I wish I might, have a fully functional knee feeling alright.

4.Then, last week, I broke my stomach doing an inner thigh exercise. It didn't look that dangerous, but I'm five days out and I still can't sit up or touch my stomach without pain. This is WTF? bemusing.

Who sprains their stomach? I do!

Who kills herself exercising and doesn't lose a pound? I do!

*Throws up hands and gives up.*

This? Is my body on a lifetime of asthma and the steroids used to treat it.

P.S. I hiked 3.5 miles and ran 400 stairs anyway. I like stairs. The hike got a bit old that last mile. At least the deer were amusing. Suburban deer are 'How you doin'? S'up?Mind if I nibble that leaf by your elbow?' whereas national park deer freak out and have panic attacks. If they could talk, they would be screaming like a girl in a slasher movie.

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Lots and Lots

Okay, busy busy here. Ready?

Take a deep breath. Here we go.

1. Visited 2 preschools. One is the perfect fit (I think) with a gentle director whose done the PT/OT hamster wheel with their kid due to muscle issues. The other is the perfect schedule, fit unknown, but slightly better facility and a good Pre-K program for next year. Gah. How to choose? I hate this part.

2. Did my favorite work out. Ran 400 stairs and walked something more than a mile. Calves were sore for 2 days. I will try for 600 stairs next time. Trying to figure out when to stop? At 1000?

3.Also did some interval running/walking/skipping/hopping. No soreness after that.

4.Had an adrenal moment after that stressful Friday. It wasn't bad, but I was foggy for the whole next day and just run down. Didn't 'wake up' until the day after.

5. Aviva suggested I look at endometriosis (sp?), but I would not think I fit the profile. No painful periods. BUT I did have that laproscopic (sp?) surgery for appendicitis that wasn't appendicitis and I wonder if there's scar tissue from that. There is a palpable difference in tissue quality RUQ vs. LUQ and even appearance. The RUQ is bigger. I have wondered if it's scar tissue.

6.Forgot to ask the gastro on how to handle breakthrough symptoms at night as well as the possibility that it's the GERD meds that are the problem. Also, forgot to ask for refills. Doh! That's how stressed I was that day, stressed into disorganization. Also I ran 6 flights of stairs to make it to the appointment and was still out of breath when they called me back. Really frazzled that day.

7. I seem to have now lost 3 pant sizes, depending on cut and fit. This is the exact same size that no one has in stock. Which is bad because the pants I have on now? Kept on by prayer alone.

One more size 'til goal.

On top, I've dropped one size and I can't quantify beyond that. The goal is just to be something smaller than the current size.

When I was bikini skinny? I wore anything from an 8 to a 16, depending on cut (the curse of being tall with broad shoulders). At goal, the top size will probably waffle between the next two sizes down at. My ass, I can get into one size, the rest not so much.

8. The salad ebook in the right side bar? Hit #4 on Amazon's Kindle top sellers list. Note this is not a competitive category. I think someone could return the book and I'd probably shoot to #1. Still, kind of nice.

Also, one of my slow cooker recipes was selected for a recipe newsletter. No pay, but publicity.

I'm still waiting to hear from the editor on the novella. They are a few days past the deadline they gave me which grrrrr.

9.The asthma no likey the humidity. I've had to use the rescue inhaler. Sigh.

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Updates of Varying Importance

Still don't know my test results.

Didn't take more steroids, but I feel the lack. Since I haven't exercised since Sunday, it's not so bad. Fatigue and muscle spasms is all.

However, I plan on exercising today. Just 20-ish minutes of squats with this dvd. (I did find a new Zumba class to try, but not until August.)

I have lost 2 more pounds and seem to be dropping 1/2 lb a day. In total I've lost about 10 lbs in the last 20 or so days, but I think most of that was water weight from the steroids.

I'm only counting weight loss from my last known weight unaffected by steroids. If that makes any sense. So I mark it as 4lbs lost.

The publisher passed on my novella. That's pretty much how it goes: Manuscript always requested, but never published. However, I am excited about self publishing and have been focusing on...

-establishing a twitter presence
-setting up a blog
-getting book covers together
-hiring an editor
-networking with readers and authors

Yesterday I did a lot and today I'm at loose ends. I want to finish the next novella but haven't been able to focus. I think that's the fatigue. I'm just not able to center when I'm tired and writing, even writing badly, is not a passive art.

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Day of Rest

Had the ACTH challenge this morning. It's over. No more frenetic working out. I can take a day off and relax. Except for one day when my knee was really painful, I have exercised every. single. day. leading up to the ACTH test.

Yesterday, I walk a mile, biked 2 miles and swam 1.5 hours with the toddler. It was exhausting and I was completely wilted by low blood sugar/lack of calories, which turned around with a small piece of cake at my sibling's Bon Voyage party. (They are going Down Under to study PT for a few months.)

So today, I'm wearing my comfiest knit pants and a soft t-shirt and oh yes I will go out in public like an under-dressed hobo. I don't care. My legs ache. Both knees hurt. My lower back aches. I'm going to lay low for a day or two before getting back on the hamster wheel.

If the ACTH challenge comes back normal, then based on the wringer I put myself through, I think it's safe to say it's pretty much over. Hello, Normal, here I come.

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Stabbed in the Back, but Otherwise Fine

So my perfectly healthy gallbladder has taken to stabbing me in the back. For no good reason other than it can.

Sigh.

I really hope an answer or solution (a simple, easy one) can be found because this is just getting ridiculous.

Other than that, I perked up a bit on Sunday and had a pretty full day. 2 hours at the pool where I gave myself a sunburn via incompetent sunscreen administration. I'm pretty sure the dermatologist is going to disown me when they see how tan I've gotten.

Despite my garish sun hat, which I wear everywhere, I need to step up my sun game. I haven't been outside so much on such a regular basis in years. Not even last year, when I had a very active summer. The introduction of the pool into our routine has had more of an impact than anticipated. However, it is very good for the toddler and her motor/sensory issues, which is why we go almost daily.

After the pool, I rode my bike all over the neighborhood for about 20 ass-kicking minutes (wimpy, I know, but I'm starting from like a -10 on the fitness scale). Then I did some jump squats to start easing back into strength cardio work outs.

I also went to the grocery store. So a rather busy day for a former adrenal zombie. A wave of fatigue took me out at the end, nixing another store run, but I kept it together with lots of water and a few pickles.

Monday, I did Zumba. I hated it. It was hard on my knee, which is still recovering from the Amelia Bedelia-esque fall at the pool. I did however get a good workout and, as a result, was quite the space cadet on the way home.

Sunday no nap, I tried, but couldn't sleep. On Monday I konked and that was before Zumba. I've also had some adrenal pain, which makes NO sense, but it is what it is.

Hopefully all this 'stress' is prompting my body to get a clue and make more cortisol.

Really good news...I have lost about 2 pounds so far. Which is the first weight loss I've seen in about 7 months. So major progress even though the number is teeny tiny. Let's see if I can get to 10lbs lost before vacation in August.

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Work Out Report

So I'm back to trying to kill myself with exercise. It's genetic. One of the parental units does insane things like run 10 miles with pneumonia (while calling me to tell me about it). I'm not that crazy, as evidenced by a distinct lack of exercise induced injuries compared to my parent who is a hot mess of injury, but I can push myself into a pool and muck up my knee pretty good.

(I did not jump, I sat on the edge and entered that way, somehow slamming my knee to the bottom of the pool. Now I walk funny and can't go to Zumba class.)

This (sufficiently anonymous) picture is from when we were doing the Strength Cardio work outs (aka Lactic Acid training, aka Metabolic Conditioning). I wonder where I would be today if a)I could've kept up with those work outs and b) been able to lose weight?

Here's a front view. I almost want to say how much I weigh as I think I look pretty good given the ginormous number on the scale, but I can't bring myself to be that honest. Let's just leave it at, I'm dense and weigh more than anyone expects.

By the way, a good quarter of my ass was muscle growth from those work outs. NOT what I was going for as I have enough junk in the trunk, thank you, but, if anyone has a flat butt, this work out method will fix that right quick.

My hope is to start working my way up to those workouts again. Now that the steroids are done, I seem to be able to lose weight, although I did get side tracked by birthday cake for a while there. It would also be nice to feel strong and competent in my own skin as I've spent quite a lot of time not feeling like that.

My next goal is to drop 20lbs. If my health cooperates, I should be able to do that this summer.

The only thing missing? Push up motivation. I just don't want to do them. No interest whatsoever. Don't know what that's about. If you see the push-up fairy, send her my way.

PS. As of today, I'm not longer radioactive. Sadly, the police never stopped me to inquire as to why I was tripping their geiger counters, so I never got to whip out the little card I got from the HIDA scan explaining I was not a nuclear device.

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Picture This

Once again, I should be cleaning the house since guests are about to arrive, but here I am procrastinating. Lucky you.

As part of my effort to exercise myself into the SAI hole again, I went for a walk today. (I have exercised and promptly taken a nap for the last three days straight, go me!) Brought the fam with me for a bit. The toddler was not happy about it, but then we saw some deer and her sense of adventure took over.

I did not get great pics of the deer. (It figures, when I don't have a camera, they are up close and personal, when I do, nada.) Last week they were maybe 15 feet away, this week, they were quite skittish. I did see the babies again though. They are getting big!

I keep hoping I'll spot a fox again after having a very close, sustained encounter with one. Although they are nocturnal and not usually up during the day unless food is scarce.

Oh, almost forgot to tell you about the biggest discovery. I call it the Fairy Queen's throne! The toddler had to go to swim class (aka Attempted Drowning 101 as she spends most of it underwater forgetting to breathe) so she didn't see it. I hope to take her though and we'll pick some wildflowers to leave on the throne.

Doesn't the picture just spark your imagination? Or was all that fresh air going to my head?

And then I took pictures of a busy bumble bee and some flowers.
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I caught the bee in mid-flight, click to enlarge so you can see.
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Not sure what the bugs are in the daisies. Midges? Mosquitos? Gnats?

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Winning with Exercise: A Question for the Audience

I tapered down to 2 1/2 pills and it has gone well. Well, okay, the day isn't even over yet, but I haven't had to drink pickle juice either. So far so good. I feel optimistic.

Although I did forget to eat and I think I might be a little loopier than I realize, based on how hard it's been for me to get this post under control. It meanders a bit and I can't seem to reign it in.

Sorry!

I really do think the steroids are on their way out. It's just an issue of not going too fast or too slow and not screwing it up.

Screwing it up is really easy.

I try not to think about that.

Here is my question.

Exercise is a problem. Even permanent adrenal patients struggle with how to handle exercise as doctors haven't figured it out either and have little to no advice.

Most patients end up increasing their dose and experimenting with various dosages (or they don't exercise at all). It's a bit like roulette because if they up dose in anticipation of the workout and then don't exercise (which happened to one patient I know) it's not pretty and if they don't up dose enough, then they tank which is also bad. It's hard to find a good balance.

I have not yet ever updosed for exercise (as far as I can remember and there is this niggling feeling that maybe I have updosed but am not remembering, so, you know, don't hold me to this) but...

Exercise wipes me out. Really wipes the floor with me. I have an energy hangover the next day and have a hard time functioning due to the 'fatigue flu'. In terms of strength and aerobic fitness, I'm up for it, but the energy production, or whatever its official name, is strained beyond carrying capacity.

This concerns me on a couple levels.

One, I take it as a sign that my HPA axis goes only so far and that there's an opening for more trouble down the line, especially if I get ambitious and try my favorite 'run 400 stairs, then run/walk a mile and do a bunch of push-ups' workout.

Exercise seems to have triggered this latest collapse of the HPA axis (beyond the original insult of being suppressed and having the stomach flu at the same time with doctors refusing to test my cortisol levels and it is only by sheer luck that my doctors didn't kill me and I had the number of a doc who did understand, at least a little, this adrenal shiznit. Why, yes, I am bitter.).

Also what if I get sick? That would be bad and I've developed an impressive hand sanitizer habit as a result. (I have been so so so lucky on the sick front, the toddler has had cold after cold and I haven't really gotten sick except for a couple flirtations with a sore throat. My luck can't last, I know this, but I'm just praying that it holds until I'm past the worst of the adrenal stuff.)

Two, I wonder if I should start updosing before exercise even if I happen to wean completely off steroids and definitely during the taper period.

But how much should I take? How much of a boost do I need? What's the rubric I should use to gauge things?

At 20 mg I still struggled with exercise. So then I think I should try 30mg and see, but that's kind of a high dose now that I seem to have a decently functional HPA axis.

I have no idea how to approach it. Do you?

The obvious option is to not exercise, but that's a tough one because it helps control the insulin resistance. Exercise also helps my lungs cope better with asthma. If steroids hadn't started derailing my life on a continual basis in my 20s, I bet I would be one of those triathalon (sp?) people or a serious amateur swing dancer. I'm an active person being suffocated by chronic health issues.

I can pull back and certainly am not trying to exercise every day right now. I can decrease intensity, but that can be sort of useless and, ironically, will result in deconditioning.

It's not really a win-win situation. It's more of a 'take the good with the bad' thing. How do I achieve the most good and the least bad?

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